Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
