Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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