We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
don't judge my taste in strippers
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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