Don't you send me to vm
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
