I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
