im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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