i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
