I accidentally had phone sex last night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
