Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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