Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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