Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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