you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
