I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
