I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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