I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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