Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
