Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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