sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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