I will die if light touches me.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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