You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
