and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
