i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
