you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
