I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
