as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
