I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
