dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
