I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Did I show you my penis last night?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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