his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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