In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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