i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
