Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
