Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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