What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
