Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's always time for handjobs
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
