sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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