fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
