He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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