as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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