textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
