i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
