You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
