Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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