Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
