i was born a porn star she said
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
