But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
