I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
