last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
