I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
