I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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