my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Someone signed my nipple.
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