Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
