We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
