Girls should come with a carfax report
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
