dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
there is puke in my bra ... again
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
