Where is the hickey?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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