Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
