buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
