dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
